Feel I’m running out of options

asafari

Saw my oncologist yesterday to discuss the remaining options.  Because I can’t get anything thru my stomach, that eliminates many of the Alternative methods, as I can’t swallow & absorb any pills.  Any pills we do take need to be crushed well and put slowly thru my J- tube into my colon.  Many can’t be crushed.  And each day it takes 15 hours to have the  liquid  nutrition pass thru the tube.  Not really too much fun., but I do it.

We will continue to look for studies and other options, but I do feel a little like we are running out of bullets.  I have done so many chemo treatments — then so many radiation treatments — that they don’t have many traditional options left.  I have also done so many Alternative methods when I could digest food.

Anyway, I will remain positive.  There are still miracles out there, so please keep praying.  I feel my army of prayers every day. My spirit is still strong and I feel I am in God’s hands.  My wish would be too have more years to, hopefully, inspire others in many ways.  But I am also realistic that this pancreatic cancer is a really tough cancer to beat, especially since my tumor is too close to my main arteries to have the Whipple Surgery to remove it.  So I will keep positive and keep doing my best to make each day valuable.

The photo at the top is one of the activities in my career that  has blessed me so much.  I have done well over 60 safari day trips in various trips to Africa, and each one was exciting & new.  My assignments and my directed trips have taken me so often to multiple safaris  in Kenya, Tanzania, Namibia and South Africa to see the Big Five in the wild.  We were always so close we could smell them and even hear their breathe.  Not sure what year or trip this safari was, but I am clean shaven for some reason. I am sending my mind & thoughts to  Africa today.  Cheers.

Waiting to see what is next

 

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After the bad news of several weeks ago, I am thinking calm & serene thoughts.  This gentle evening shot of the romantic city of Venice is perfect.  I have been to Venice many times and I always find some special place there, usually when I am completely lost!  Getting lost in Venice should be a goal!

I am waiting until August 29th to see my oncologist about several options.  First we are going to look into special trial studies that I may qualify for in treatment. And we will discuss a combination of three REALLY strong chemos together which may buy me more time or — at worse — have horrible side effects and could kill me sooner.

Not really good choices indeed, but I am still thinking positive and will not let this disease claim my spirits and my positive outlook.  Keep the prayers coming because a miracle is always possible!

Been resting a lot.  Had a great game of bridge (one of my many passions) last night with three good friends…. that was such fun. Have not lost any more weight — good — but sure would like to gain some.  The opposite of almost everyone …. I would not recommend this diet!

I send positive vibes to all the people that read this that have any crisis that they are going thru or with family & loved ones.  Support and appreciation of each day we awaken should be something you aim at each morning thru evening!  Don’t take the future for granted.  Wake up each morning positive and the day will always be better.

Cheers, and enjoy the eclipse tomorrow!!

 

Really bad news and the most difficult letter I have ever written

Beautiful island of Mykonos Greece and restaurants in the famous area called Little Venice
Beautiful island of Mykonos Greece and restaurants in the famous area called Little Venice

First, I want to send my positive vibes to this Greek Island of Mykonos.   I have loved the Greek Islands more than anywhere else on Earth, so even though I have bad news, I will let my mind wander there after I write this.  So beautiful.

I received this heartbreaking news on Monday from my oncologist and I have needed several days to just let it absorb in my own mind & soul.  Then I needed time to figure out how to write about it.   I am still not sure I am totally on top of this, if that is even possible.

I knew going in that pancreatic cancer is a TOUGH cancer to beat, especially when the tumor is too close to the main arteries to not be  candidate for the Whipple surgery.  But I have had 20 long & hard sessions of strong chemo way back in September thru November, then I did many many alternative method treatments (drips, pills, etc etc).

Recently I did 25 consecutive weekdays of targeted radiation combined with chemo.  We then had to wait at least 6 weeks for everything to settle down to get a true CTScan of my whole insides.  It was tough waiting.

Then the doctor told me last week that the tumor had not grown at all….. and I was pleased with that.  But the second set came in from my lungs and that is not good.

Basically, the bad news is that my cancer has now spread to many lesions on my lungs, which means it has metastasized in my body, making it Stage 4 Cancer now.  That was and is a shock.

I asked him to tell my honestly my chances, and he says probably I will live less than 6 months.  GULP!

So I now live with this reality.  And I plan on keeping my spirit as high as I can.  Cancer has beat my body up for sure, but it will not kill my spirit.   The Bill that you all know is still here, just a lot weaker & skinnier.

Now, I say this to all of you.  We are all going to die someday…. no one leaves this Earth without dying.  And, sure, I do feel somewhat “cheated” for probably losing a few “senior years” I would sure like to live.  But in all honesty, I have really lived a FULL and exciting life….. far bigger than I ever imagined in my boyhood.  Thru all the joys I had in my sports career, then multiply that by 10 in having an exciting hobby of photography that blossomed into a wildly successful career I have had the last 40 years…. I can only feel blessed.  I have traveled to over 200 countries and felt honored on all the assignments I have had.  I have felt thrilled leading so many large crews of models, celebrities, makeup, assistants, etc all around our planet while we did so many major advertising campaigns.  And then the “cream on top” was creating my BACHMANN TOUR OVERDRIVE group of friends that we explored all 7 continents as friends laughing all the way!  That is my biggest joy in my career for sure.

I have been thrilled with the life I chose and have lived life fully.  I truly have tried to start each day of my life with positive feelings that carry a person into a happy life. In my sports days, and then in my growing photography business, and then in lectures, books, TV shows, etc etc I have always attempted to inspire people to live life fully, enjoy each day, start always with a positive attitude and life will be better.  Perhaps I have even inspired some small group with this cancer blog and photos I have shared.   I will not stop that now, even though I may try some additional chemo to add time to my life. (It has some negative reactions, etc so I have not made up my mind this week whether I will try this new chemo).

I know so many of you will want to call or come and visit, and I really do beg you not to.  I am so weak now, that if I talk to 5 people in a day on the phone with all the tears & news, it wears me out even more., and I must rest a lot of the day. Perhaps soon I shall call some of you or perhaps even have you visit, but please wait until I contact you because I will then know my energy level.  I promise I will read every one of your emails to me, or FB comments, but I can do that when I am up to it.  So I ask you to honor those wishes for now.

I do hope that I have been a positive influence to my two boys, Brandon & Jordan, whom I love dearly.  I also hope I have been a positive influence in some small way to all those friends & loved ones who I have shared this adventure called life.  I am also thankful to all of you for your friendship and the many smiles you have brought to my life.  When you think of me in the future, please think of the smiles, not any sadness. I am also deeply thankful to Connie & Byron who have moved to Florida and lived in my guest house to keep me battling this horrible disease.

I am still somewhat in shock, but I will find peace and positive in this even.  All my life I have tried to inspire people to live more positively and more fully.  Perhaps my last project here will be to show people how to die with dignity & grace.